Postpartum Depression [4 years later]

Four years ago, I sat in my car sobbing...I knew there was something wrong with me. I knew what I was experiencing was far from normal.I felt alone. Lost. Like the only way for me to escape the way I was feeling was by running away from it all...Or, and it pains me to admit this...End my life.I was in the thick of postpartum depression, but not the weepy, sad all the time kind most people associate with.It was the I hate the world and everyone in it, filled with RAGE kind of depression. So, was it really PPD? Was there really something wrong with me? Or was this just typical motherhood and I was going to be miserable + unhappy the rest of my life?All I knew was that I couldn't keep living my life that way. I wanted to be an exceptional mom, but how could I when I was angry at my kids all the time? I wanted to be an exceptional wife, but how could I when I wanted nothing to do with my husband?Y'all... these are REAL thoughts women with postpartum depression suffer through. They feel lost. Alone. Almost outside of their bodies because this is NOT how they want to live their life... but they don't know HOW to get help.As I sat in my car, wondering what in the world was wrong with me (heck, I was on a weekend getaway with my husband - WHY WAS I NOT HAPPY?!), I started scrolling Facebook.I am telling you, it was an act of God that I was on Facebook at that very moment, because I saw a post from somebody (I wish I could tell you who), but that post quite literally saved my life.In that post was a link to the website Postpartum Progress. That website changed everything for me. It made me realize I wasn't alone. That what I was experiencing was NOT normal. And that ultimately, I needed to finally get help.It took me about 2 more weeks to finally call out for help, and even then, I was scared. I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want people to think I was a bad mom. But, I was so ready to start a new life and it wasn’t OK.As I sat at the OB/GYN for my 6 month check-up post-baby, I circled the words “suicide” and “depression/anxiety.”Had I not felt that I needed help, or stumbled across that website, I really don’t think I’d be here writing this today...If you are at all feeling like I did post-baby, I want you to know...YOU ARE NOT ALONE.Don't be afraid to ask for help. There are too many moms out there suffering in silence - and you don't need to be one of them.