the 30 year slump
Tonight I am supposed to be going out with my closest friends to celebrate a few of their 29th birthdays (as long as the weather doesn't get too bad). I've been 29 for a few months now, but lately, it's really starting to hit me that this is my last year in my 20s. I mean, I still have a good 9-ish months until I actually turn the big 3-0, but turning 30 is really making me think about all I have - and haven't - done with my life.Thirty feels bigger than any other birthday. I know it's really just a number, but I think 30 screams, "Hey! You're an adult! You should know exactly what you want to do with your life and where your life is headed." But, that's so much farther than the truth.You know those quizzes going around Facebook, the one that's about your mental age? I haven't taken it, but I'm pretty sure mine would say that my mental age is 18. I don't feel like I'm old enough to have a "career", to be married and have a child, to be responsible for money and a house. It's been almost 11 years since I graduated from high school, and yet, I feel as if I've never left (and I promise, it has nothing to do with the fact that I am still friends with the girls I went to high school with).In Health class, I teach about the lifespan. We talk about birth all the way to retirement age. When I teach about the 30s, we talk about how that's the time where people begin to focus on their careers and their families. Quite honestly, I don't know if I picture myself retiring as a teacher. Sure, I like it alright. But, do I really feel like it is my passion? I'm not sure. I know that I'm in the subject area I want to be in (health and fitness) but I don't know if teaching is where my heart truly lies. I'm not sure exactly where my passion is. Maybe I'll figure it out in my 30s.
I absolutely know that volleyball is a huge passion of mine. Can I go back and be a player again?
One of my volleyball players was telling me about how one of her teachers is pregnant at age 34 and how old that is to have a kid. It was the second time in 2 days that I have been reminded about how I need to start thinking about a second child since I'll be 30 soon. Because 30 is apparently too old to be having kids. Crap. Since when? My mom was 30 when she had me. One of my friends was 34 when she had her youngest. Since when did 30 stop being the age where you have kids? I understand that after 35 there are some risks involved in pregnancy, but 35 is still NOT OLD. And heaven forbid we should decide to have a 3rd or even a 4th child in our 30s. I'm really in no hurry. We will have a 2nd child when the time is right. I don't feel like my age has anything to do with it.
Thirty also means transitioning to a new age division in running. And the 30s are typically a tougher age group than the 20s. What?! This can go one of 2 ways for me: I can either dominate the 30-year-old age group or let it dominate me. Either way, I know I have a lot of training to do to make sure I'm in the best shape I can be to continue to be competitive and successful with my running. I'm not ready to start slowing down yet.
My friend Michelle who is still KILLING it in her 40s!
As I approach my 30th birthday in October (it's the 20th for anyone who wants to send a gift or throw a huge party for me), I am starting to feel farther away from the 18-year-old that feels like just yesterday, and more and more like the actual "adult" that I'm supposed to be. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, when we're going to expand our family, or whether or not 30 is going to slow me down. The unknown has left me feeling a bit lost. I wish I had these answers, but I just don't. It's a slump that I'm praying I can get out of by the time my actual 30th birthday rolls around.I know this post is a little random, but it's been tugging at my heart strings a lot lately, so I just had to write down my feelings. Am I alone in thinking there is some kind of 30-year-old slump?