my dream job

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom.  It just wasn’t something I wanted to do.  I wanted to work and then come home to my baby at night.  Plus, being married to a teacher doesn’t quite make staying at home financially possible.

I absolutely love being a physical education teacher.  I get to wear workout clothes + tennis shoes every day and teach kids about something I am most passionate about:  physical fitness.  Plus, I get the summer off and a 2 week break around the holidays.  It might not pay very well, but you don’t go into teaching for the money.

When I got pregnant, it wasn’t really an option of whether or not I would stay home with MacKenna.  I already knew from the beginning that I would be returning to work after my maternity leave.  And I was perfectly fine with that at the time.  I liked my job enough that going back to work didn’t seem like a  big deal.  Plus, we have an amazing babysitter that isn’t costing us an arm + a leg to take MacKenna to.

What I didn’t expect was to fall so madly in love with this baby.  This week has been extremely hard on me.  I miss her every second of every day.  I hate that someone else is getting to feed my little girl + bond with her for 9 hours a day.  I hate that I’m probably not going to get to see all her firsts anymore.  I miss being the main caregiver and spending 24 hours a day with her.

Matt asked me at the beginning of the week why it was going to be so hard to leave her.  It’s not just because I love her so incredibly much.  It’s because for the last year, I have spent practically 24 hours a day with her.  It’s hard to go from spending every waking second with her to only getting to really spend time with her for about 4 hours each day.

Maybe someday, somehow my dream job will become a reality and I’ll get to spend 24 hours a day with her again.  (Thank goodness for summer’s off – I at least have something to look forward to!)  But, for now, I will be taking advantage of the few hours a day I do get to spend with her.

Any other working moms out there?  Does it get any easier?