3 THINGS THAT HAVE HELPED ME WITH DEPRESSION

This past weekend was World Mental Health Day, and if you’re new to me or my blog, you might not know my whole story when it comes to my journey with depression.

Five (almost 6) years ago, after giving birth to our second baby, Miles, I knew immediately that something was wrong. However, I didn’t think that it was depression or postpartum depression because, frankly, when you hear depression, you think of someone not able to get out of bed, who spends their day crying and sad…

And that wasn’t me.

I wasn’t sad. I had no problem getting out of bed.

But, I was ANGRY. Very, very angry.

I would lose my temper quickly. I had a short fuse, and I would pretty much blow up at anything and everyone… including my sweet little 3 year old at the time.

Like I said, I knew something was wrong, but to me, this wasn’t postpartum depression.

It wasn’t until 6 months later, sitting outside of a convention center in Chicago, that I finally started to do some research. It was my first time away from my kids since Miles was born, but I still wasn’t happy. I was spending a weekend with my husband, doing something that I loved (running), and I felt like I was just going through the motions.

When we got back from that trip, I remember sobbing in a dark room while nursing Miles. I didn’t have a reason why, except that I just wasn’t happy. And I didn’t know if I would ever be happy again.

There was one night when I knew that I finally needed to do something. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep. I was terrified that I was losing my mind and was going to do something to hurt my kids or husband. And I knew the only thing that I could do was leave. To end it all…

Thankfully, I had an appointment with my OB not long after that night and was able to talk to her, which also opened the doors up to talking to my husband about it.

She put me on antidepressants, and within 2 days, I felt happy again. Suicidal thoughts had left my mind. I wasn’t angry. And overall, my mood just felt a lot more stable.

You can read more about my depression journey here.

But, even 5 years later, I still struggle every single day. While some battle with PPD and are able to go off medicine, I am not that person.

I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety, and quite honestly, without medication, I literally would not be living. There are times when I go a few days without medicine (either because I forgot to take it, or because I haven’t gone to pickup my prescription), and things start to spiral… fast. I start crying more and feel helpless and hopeless.

It’s a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended), but I know that this is my life now. That if I want to live my life to the fullest and be the best version of myself, this is the answer for me.

So, for those of you fighting this sometimes silent battle of depression + anxiety...

I SEE YOU.

I'm here for you.

I'm praying for you.

Here are some things that have helped me over the last 5 years...

Medication

Like I said, I wouldn’t be here today without medication, so if that’s what you need, then please do it! Some people are able to go off of it, but I am not that person. Do what you need to do to help you be more of yourself - and don’t be ashamed (or let anyone else make you feel shame) for needing medication. This is how you are a good wife and mom to your family. 

Talk to Someone

It doesn't have to be a counselor or therapist. For me, I needed someone who I completely trusted and knew me. The first person I talked to was my OB (because she knew me more than any other doctor I had + I trusted her) and now I have a "life coach" who specializes in cognitive behavior. I'm the worst at feeling my feelings, but she has helped me to recognized the thoughts and feelings that are coming up so that I can do something about them. This has probably helped me more than ANYTHING else. And I am a different person because of my sessions with her.

Set Boundaries

There are going to be things (+ people) who are toxic for your mental health. Start learning the things that make you spiral into those thoughts and be willing to put up walls where you need to. (And then talk to your coach, counselor, therapist, or psychologist about it.) I can tell when I am spiraling because I won’t be able to stop thinking certain thoughts - or I’ll begin to obsess over them. Facebook has been one thing that can really sour my thinking, so I know I need to limit my time on there. I also know that unfollowing or blocking people who are toxic to my mental well being is a priority of mine too.

You can read this post to learn more about how to create boundaries in your life + business.

(And, just to be clear, what those toxic people say to you or about you has NOTHING to do with you… they are probably the ones who need counseling just as much as you do, friend!)

But most of all, don't be ashamed. What you are going through is real + scary at times. It takes time to heal and to dig your way back out of the hole.

And if you ever need someone to talk to, please don't be afraid to reach out. As someone who has walked this road for awhile, I am happy to help guide you to find the right thing for YOU.