perspective

I brought this up a little in my Embracing the Changes post, but the topic recently came up again.

As Matt and I were walking around Silver Dollar City this past weekend, my baby bump and weight got brought up.  I’ve still only gained about 10 pounds total during my pregnancy, but 10 pounds is also a pretty big milestone for me:  Matt and I are now the same weight.  But, Matt really put my weight gain into perspective for me.

“You used to worry constantly about weighing the same as me.  It has taken you being pregnant 5 months before you actually caught up to me.”

Wow.  I honestly didn’t even think about it like that.  My constant worry pre-pregnancy was gaining weight.  I am married to a very slight man, 5’6” with a small build.  I am 5’4” and tend to gain weight pretty easily (or at least that’s what I thought).  It was always my fear that I would eventually catch up to Matt, and then surpass him in weight.

I guess this fear stems from the fact that when we started dating, we were the same size.  Matt was smack in the middle of running college cross country, while I spent my afternoons driving to the convenient store for my daily 64 ounce Mountain Dew slurpee.  Of course, it didn’t help that we were also working at Fritz’s a the time and getting drive-thru Jack in the Box after we got off work at 11 PM.

It wasn’t until about 6 months into our relationship that I began to lose weight.  I was running track in high school and gave up soda for Lent that year.  Shortly after that, I reached my current “happy weight”.  Of course, at the time I was skinny-fat, but as I got older and wiser, my eating habits evolved into what they are today, making me a much healthier individual.

But, like I said, I’ve really gained some perspective on just how healthy and thin I really was before I got pregnant.  I used to think my baby bump a few weeks back was what my stomach looked like all the time.  I am now realizing I was much thinner than I ever gave myself credit for.  All those times when I beat myself up because of a number on the scale was pointless.

  14 weeks vs. 21 weeks, a 5 pound difference in weight – I’m not sure how different it look, but I can tell you I don’t fit into those jeans anymore.  It’s funny that I still think my belly looks way bigger than that!  I guess looking down at your belly gives you a different perspective than an outsider.

Pregnancy has certainly helped me gain perspective on how healthy I really am.  I hope + pray that after our baby girl arrives that the number on the scale won’t mean nearly as much as it used to.  I know I grew up with body image issues and of course still deal with those insecurities from time-to-time.  But, I want to set an example for my daughter.  I want her to know that she is beautiful, no matter what size she is or what the number on the scale says.  And I know that has a lot to do with my perspective on my body.

Again, it’s still a work in progress, but I have definitely gained a new perspective on my body and healthy weight.