I Lost My Identity

A few weeks ago, I had a drastic realization…I LOST MY IDENTITY.I had been talking to a former co-worker of mine who had just become a new mom. She was struggling with lack of sleep and learning how to care for a newborn, and it brought back a haunting memory of when MacKenna was just 6 weeks old and I realized…I had no clue who I was anymore.For so long, I’ve identified as a runner + coach. I’ve been a runner for over half of my life now. I started running back when I was a sophomore in high school. I ran middle distance in track and just fell in love with the sport. Once Matt + I started dating, my love for running increased the more I fell in love with him. Matt was a collegiate runner, so I’d do anything to impress him - and still one of my favorite things to do is run with him (we just don’t get to do it as often since we are parents to young kids).I went to college + fell even more in love with running, simply because I was dealing with a lot of stress + anxiety over my school work. When I graduated + got married a few months later, running became the thing I relied on.I remember after having MacKenna just how much I felt like I had LOST my identity. Let me tell you, I might talk about my PPD after my second baby, but my first 6 weeks as a new mom were a shit show. I couldn’t run. I was exhausted. I had a tiny person that I was trying to keep alive. I had massive anxiety with doing all the things parents have to do. And did I mention I was TIRED?! Oh, and without being able to run, I had no way to manage my stress + anxiety.I was thrown into parenthood and I was no longer the Kristen I used to be. The wife, the friend, the runner… Now, I was Kristen, The Mama… and I had no idea how to handle it. Running kept me grounded in my identity. It reminded me who I was outside of being a mom. It was something I NEEDED so that I COULD be a good mom.Fast forward to a few weeks ago, and I realized I was in the same identity crisis. I had been a runner for over half of my life. It’s what I KNEW. It’s how I got my start in blogging + online business.I wanted to be both a mom + runner - so I started my own run coaching business. It was the best of both worlds. I was praying for something that would help me be home with my kids, and since being a professional runner was obviously out of the question, coaching was the next best thing. And I LOVED it! I could OBSESS over running because it was my JOB. I mean, isn’t that every runner’s dream?!And then last year happened… and it was AMAZING. I became a whole new person. I became Kristen, the former teacher turned business owner, the mentor + coach. My goals had changed and I was no longer obsessing about running day in and day out…I was obsessing about my business. How I could serve my customers + team better. How I could get to the next level in my business.And running took a backseat… and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t know what life looked like without being a runner.But, here’s the thing… regardless of whether I am a running coach, running races competitively, shooting for a new PR, or just going for a run… I will ALWAYS be a runner. Just because my goals, vision, IDENTITY has changed, doesn’t mean that part of me has to go anywhere.I want to encourage you… if you’re going through a shift in your life, where maybe your identity is starting to change to adapt to new goals, new careers, new life changes (parenting, marriage, divorce), it doesn’t mean that you have LOST that part of you. It just means that maybe it’s not as important as it used to be.I will ALWAYS be a runner. But, now, running is something that I do to keep me healthy, both physically + mentally. I might not be crushing new PRs this year or hitting the track every week, but you better believe I’ll still be running. Because it’s still a part of me, and I know that as I lean in to this new + improved version of myself, I’ll still need running in my life to keep me grounded, to be my outlet, and to remind me daily of who I am.