How I Fell Back in Love with Running

I’ve talked about it before, but running has been a major struggle for me for the past year. It started back in January of last year, and I’ve been clawing my way out of a hole, hoping + praying that someday, running would feel fun + EASY again.I had tried having a coach, not having a coach, having Matt train me, not training at all, changing up my strength workouts, pretty much everything you can think of doing to get yourself out of your slump. But, I just continued to struggle, to the point where running no longer felt like fun but more like a chore. Something I felt like I HAD to do, instead of something I WANTED to do.It wasn’t until about a month ago that I decided to just stop. To stop trying to FORCE my running. I’m gonna get real vulnerable here for a minute… and to be honest, I am struggling to even admit this to myself (and nervous to share it with YOU because I HATE when people judge me)... but I know I need to share more of WHY I was forcing running so much…Because I was scared…Not of racing. Not that I had reached my peak.I was scared of gaining weight. I was scared that if I didn’t run a certain amount every day, I would just continue to put on the pounds.Ugh… I HATE admitting that because it just sounds so DUMB - and because I KNOW better.But, I got in this place over the last year and half or so where I was running 6+ miles per day and could pretty much eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and it. Was. GLORIOUS.Y’all, I LOVE food. I LOVE to eat. And I like to eat whatever I want. I’ve done the counting calorie thing for YEARS and it became an obsession. And something I would beat myself up over if I went over my calories. It was an all-or-nothing mindset and I couldn’t break myself of it because I was terrified of gaining weight.It took a pregnancy for me to finally realize that I couldn’t keep doing it this way. It wasn’t physically or mentally healthy for me - or my baby. And I quit, cold turkey… and every time I try to count calories or macros again, I last a few hours and I just can’t do it anymore.I wish I could tell you I had some secret that helped me overcome that and learn how to eat intuitively, but it still takes me a lot of practice, thought, and presence to how my body feels when I eat + what I’m eating. Maybe someday I’ll have a post about that, but today, let’s talk about running…Running was my way to trust my body with not counting calories or macros. It was my safety net. And I felt that if I could run 6 miles a day, then I would never have to worry about what I ate ever again.Until 6 miles felt hard. And forced. And training felt forced. I couldn’t keep going at the pace (literally + figuratively) I was going. My body felt it and my paces were certainly showing me that 6 miles wasn’t maintainable for me. Yes, it got me a shiny PR a year and a half ago, but my body was screaming at me with constant pain + horrible runs.I mentally checked out and running became a chore and something I felt I needed to do to eat what I wanted.So, how did I fall back in love with it? How did I get past that thought of gaining weight?I had to take a step back and start all over again. I stopped worrying about what I did everyday. I made my daily running goal 3 miles. That’s it. I didn’t have to run any farther, I didn’t have to do any strength training, I just had to get 3 miles in. And if I felt like sleeping in, I would sleep in.I had to take ALL the pressure off myself. Sure, the worry of gaining weight was still there, but I needed to see how it felt to be doing less and eating the same.And guess what?My pace came back. I feel amazing. My body doesn’t hurt everyday. And (although I don’t weigh myself), I haven’t gained a pound - and I feel like my body looks better than ever.I’m not the same person I used to be, and I’m not the same runner I used to be. The important thing is listening to my body and be willing to take a step back and TRUST the process.I just finished my first week of training for the KT82 Trail Relay, where I’ll be running 13 miles over the course of 3 separate runs with some of my favorite runners on the planet. My training looks DRASTICALLY different than it did a year ago - less mileage, less speed training, shorter training runs - but I’m excited to get back to where I was, even if my training looks a bit different this time around.If you’re struggling with your training, it’s OK to take a break. It’s OK to take the pressure off. It’s OK to go back to the basics. Start with 1 mile a day or every other day. And if you want a day off, take it. Remember WHY you love this sport - not just for what it does for your body, but how it makes you feel everyday.