HOW TO CREATE BOUNDARIES IN YOUR LIFE + BUSINESS
I’ll be honest with you…
Boundaries can be REALLY hard for me.
Of course, my biz bestie and clients might say otherwise, but there’s something they don’t know about the boundaries I set for myself…
There is a fine line between boundaries and avoidance.
As an Enneagram 9, I like to “keep the peace.” So, when things start to blow up in my face, or I start to get overwhelmed, or I feel some sort of conflict coming up, I will put up a GIANT wall.
Yes, boundaries are GREAT…
But, they can also be really, really unhealthy… especially for someone like me.
There’s a BIG difference between a boundary and pure avoidance, and I truly believe it’s important to know the difference between the two before we dive head first into creating boundaries for your life and // or your business.
Like I said, boundaries are HEALTHY. You need to have some healthy boundaries for yourself because they can truly be life-changing. Not only can they give you your TIME BACK, they are also probably the first form of self-care you can show yourself.
By creating boundaries for yourself, your life, and your business, you have the ability to create a sense of work // life balance. Will you ever be fully balanced? ABSOLUTELY NOT. An equal balance is a myth (and a topic for another day). But, a boundary in certain aspects of your life can truly open yourself up to that FREEDOM you are longing for.
“A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.”
- Unknown
So, what sort of boundaries should you set?
I truly believe this is VERY personal to YOUR needs. I have much stricter boundaries than some people, but I think they all fall along some general guiding principles that you can implement for yourself.
BOUNDARIES FOR YOUR TIME
This is the first one I feel like we ALL need to focus on because I think this one is the hardest. Oh yeah, we’re going with the hardest one first, because this one is BY FAR the most important one.
I think this looks different for everyone - and it really going to affect the next 2 boundaries we talk about - but if you don’t have TIME or SCHEDULE boundaries, I’m betting you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and burnt out.
THIS is exactly why I’m a big planner or scheduler. Because this is my first line of defense. If I don’t have boundaries on how I am spending my time, guess what?
I feel stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, and burnt out.
And as a working mom, those things deplete me of my energy and my TIME with my kids.
What this looks like for me...
One way I set boundaries with my time and my schedule is by spending time each week mapping out what each day looks like.
What appointments, calls, or meetings do I have?
What activities do the hubs and kids have going on?
When will I have time to workout? Clean? Do laundry?
How will I decompress at the end of the day?
What are the TOP PRIORITIES for the week and for each day (my to-do list)?
I pretty much ask myself these questions in that order and then block in the times for each. I love to use Google Calendar for this (it’s FREE!) so I know exactly what happens when.
After 3PM, I know that I am done working for the day, I can go for my walk to decompress (and listen to an audio book) before having to go pick-up the kids from school. This helps me (1) stay on track + on top of my to-do list, and (2) set that boundary between work and family life.
BOUNDARIES FOR YOUR EMAIL // PHONE // SOCIAL MEDIA
Oh, some of y’all are going to YELL at me for this one, but I need you to hear me out… especially those of you who are business owners or use social media to market your product or service.
You cannot be online 24/7/365.
I have 2 reasons behind this…
1. It’s not healthy for you. You NEED to take a break from your phone because despite what you think, it’s ADDICTING. Think of it as nicotine for your mind. You do NOT need to be on all the time.
2. It shows your clients, team members, co-workers, friends, and FAMILY that you cannot be at their beck-and-call 24 hours a day. (Oh, we’re going to talk about this more next…)
Look, I love social media just as much as everyone else. Like, I LOVE social media. For someone who is introverted, having conversations online is a million times easier than it is in person.
BUT…
You need to have a boundary for yourself when it comes to how much you are “plugged in.”
What this looks like for me…
A few years ago, I turned off ALL notifications on my phone. Text messages, email, DMs… I don’t hear them when they send me an alert. And this is more than just setting my phone to vibrate. I get ZERO notifications. I only know if I have a message, email, or shoot, even a call when I pick-up my phone.
“But, what if I MISS something?!”
OK, before you get your panties in a bunch… you’re not missing anything. Nothing is THAT urgent. And you are helping people understand that you cannot be available to them 24/7, which is HEALTHY for YOU.
But, if you’re REALLY concerned about missing something, add certain people to your favorites in your contacts. Those people then can call you if it is urgent and it will go through to you. I have all of my family members as my favorites because as my parents get older, I want to make sure they can get a hold of me. I also have the kids’ school in my phone because I need to make sure they can reach me if one of them gets sick or hurt and I need to pick them up.
Otherwise, I get ZERO Instagram notifications unless I open the app. I get ZERO Facebook notifications unless I open the app. I get ZERO Voxer or Messenger notifications unless I open the app. I get ZERO email notifications unless I open the app.
The best part about this boundary? I am SO much more productive because I’ve limited my distractions during my work time, which means I get more done and can stick with my time // schedule boundaries.
BOUNDARIES WITH OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like this falls a lot more under the business owner category, but I think we really need to clear on our expectations when it comes to our clients, our friends, and our family.
One of my mentor has very strict boundaries for herself when it comes to other people and being alone with them… especially men. She will never let herself be alone with a man, AND she will not be in a picture with a man alone.
Y’all, those are some STRICT boundaries… but ones she felt are healthy for her and her marriage. And I 100% respect that. While I don’t have those same boundaries, I also feel like my husband and I have communicated about our friends of the opposite sex so we know if we would ever have to worry. One of my best friends is a man, but my husband knows him and has met him and trusts that we keep that communication open about our relationship.
What this looks like for me…
For my clients, this looks like having “office hours.” When I first start working with someone, they know when I am available and working and that if they try to contact me outside of those hours, they’re more likely not going to hear from me until I’m within those working hours.
For other people, it looks like having those phone boundaries set. Who can get ahold of me and who cannot. It also means that I need to communicate with my friends and my team what healthy boundaries look like for me.
I feel like I am pretty no-drama and easy going. Negativity and criticism can be draining for me, so if someone chooses to bring drama into a situation, I have to be really clear on that boundary so I don’t setup a wall. That means COMMUNICATING with them and telling them how I feel. The one thing I’ve learned over the last month or so is that when someone has an issue with us, it is THEM projecting their feelings on us… not the other way around.
The way to get around this? Communication. Use “I” statements to help express how you feel…
“I do not feel comfortable when you…”
“I draw the line when…”
“This makes me feel…”
Communicating YOUR personal boundaries is key.
WHEN TO PUT UP A WALL
OK, so I told you that it’s easy for me to put up a wall instead of a boundary, especially if I’m feeling I’m being put in an uncomfortable situation.
But, sometimes those situations involve putting up some sort of a wall.
It’s OK to block people who are being unkind or harassing you. It’s OK to stop being friends with someone who is constantly overstepping your boundaries.
I’ve had to do this SEVERAL times in my life because those people were overstepping boundaries that I had and it was no longer healthy for me. And those walls have brought me back to a healthy state - and I am MUCH happier because of those walls.
Yet, it all comes down to communication, friend. Talk to those people who are overstepping your boundaries and if they don’t change, you have permission to put up a wall…
Remember, boundaries are HEALTHY for you. And I truly believe those boundaries can change your life!
